In a rare incident yesterday, a blue Jeep was reduced to nothing more than a pile of molten steel by twin lasers outside of St. Thomas, Ontario. The vehicle was parked outside Western University's tech lab, when a technical error caused the university's two lasers to be concentrated on the Jeep's front grill. In a strange twist, the technician who was in charge at the time was also the owner of the unfortunate vehicle. Albert Whatmough, 17, switched on the two high-intensity lasers, only to find that the x-y coordinates had been altered. He was horrified when seconds later, his brand new 1989 Jeep turned into a puddle of blue slag. Albert believes that this is a case of fowl play in the work area. "They were testing chickens for mutations just before I turned on the lasers. One of the chickens got free just as I was about to flick the switch, and started dancing on the x-y controls," said Albert in an interview.

"If we ever find that bird, someone's gonna be having chicken for supper." The police have yet to find the culprit, but it is speculated that the unsuspecting chicken got caught in the beam of one of the lasers, and was "cooked" instantly. This theory would explain a suspicious pile of black dust on the floor of the tech lab. "It's a good thing that chicken didn't get his claws on the z controls," said Albert, "or I wouldn't even be talking to you right now." It is believed that Albert will attempt to sue the chicken's relatives for the cost of his vehicle. When the chicken's relatives were approached on this subject, their response was "cluck, cluck, cluck."